I though of sharing with you all something which I was very not-capable of, but was one of my dreams-came-true. I am not shy to say that I am a born stammer. People with stethoscopes around their necks said," Son, your tongue is tied to your lower jaw from tongue ties too much, so we have to operate and remove the extra tongue ties." Yes, of course not-surprisingly I was dead scared to do that because it sounded like cutting my tongue into pieces. Those days there were hundreds of times which I answered the Land Phone of my home and hung up without saying anything because I hardly can pronounce the word "Hello" without stammering. "HEHEHEEELLLWOOOOWWW!!!" That was my normal 'Hello' which made me for years not to answer any calls. I always asked my younger brother or my sister to answer the phone and give it to me in case the person at the other end of the line asks for 'Malith'.
I dreamed of becoming a good speaker during my school days. I would say, the only set of people whom I respected and admired was the people who played on stage with their words. I wanted so seriously to go to a stage and show the whole world whether what is going inside my mind and express my soul to the whole world.
I did my 1st speech infront of just one person. Then infront of a panel consisting 3 people. Then with time my spectators who enjoyed the craziness of my words increased. I would say, last month it came to the climax. SLIM Speech Idol Season 2 gave me the wings to fly to the heights which I always wanted to fly. I did my speech in front of more than 500 people at the Grand Finale which was held in Galadari. Yes! I believe that I did my best and it was one of my optimum performances which helped to become whom I always wanted and dreamed of.
After the event I was sitting in the lobby of Galadari while looking at the old parliament which was right in front of me. Though Galadari is a place which is supposed to be hustle and bustle, the surroundings sounded quiet and it made my thoughts to run towards my past. I asked myself the question!
'What made me to become who I am standing today??'
It is with no reluctance that I say that I am standing as a fairly good speaker because of the people who absorbed the cream of my souls by hurting me,breaking me and disappointing me a level which a person can hardly bear. I may sound as a person who is living in the past when you go through my blog. I wont't say that you are wrong. Yes!you are correct.But still the reality and harsh truth is that this Malith who is standing today vigorously is a direct product of the people who played with me when I was sometimes too honest and too emotional with them.
When the world moved forward, laughing at me including my past, while I was standing in one place hardly to make my mind to move on, I wanted to share my grief with some other person. That's where Public Speaking came handy for me.
I had never chosen the path of finding some other person to reveal my pain and then start a relationship immediately with that person. Instead of that I chose to absorb the pain and find my own way to get rid of the grief. Because I knew for a fact that if I use someone to express my grief its going to be same as myself using that person's valuable life to get rid of my pain. I knew for the fact that if i had moved on easily i would have been happy in the very beginning of the new relationship. But with time every grief of the past will pop out as a rubber bowl pops up in waters no matter how hardly you try to push it in.
Its because of the ever lasting unbearable grief, I wanted thousands and thousands of people to share my past.So that I will feel relaxed. I knew definitely that one person won't be able to absorb all the pains which I was going through.I found that PUBLIC SPEAKING was the hardest but the most effective way of expressing my self to the whole world so that I will make my personal grief or pain, something which everyone shares. Yes, I do accept the fact that it worked soo much for me. Whenever I speak about my life and get down from the stage, I always had 10 to 20 people coming around and me and talking further of my life while giving me advises and courage to move on life. Most of them showed how much it is useless to spoil my soul while repenting of the past. It's then only i realized that the things which happened to me has happened to most of the people who are out there. Its then only I understood that I am not alone broken up in this world.Its then only I understood that I have soo many people out there who are concerned of my happiness,who wish for it,who pray it.
Thanks to public speaking I am no longer a person with a personal issue. I am a person of people.So now everything is a public pain, a public hurt. What I know about myself is the same exact things which most of the people know about me. If not public speaking I might have ended up as a person with psychological disorder. But YES! Life and gods never leave you alone nowhere. When something, some hope is long gone in life there will be always another reason to live. If there is something in our lives which is no longer there believe me its not there because it is not a part of your life. Everything happens for the best of every person. I never blame my past for anything. Because its the sole reason which helped me to stand with vigor and which made me to find my own strengths.
I thought of putting the speech which I did for SLIM Speech Idol season 2 Grand Finale. This is me talking about my own past. My own story of losing things and taking back the things which I lost.
" Let me take you way back to my past and enlighten you, on what I would say is the greatest memory of my life. I being a Carholic, I still remember the very first day I drove a car. Let me create the setting for you.
It was this calm and quiet evening, and I, the person who was playing havoc under the skies, fortunately or unfortunately I would say, wanted to drive our car.
I went out to the garden, got into the car, and it was marvelous. Look at me! I am Helios the driver of the sun chariot, UNTIL, the car went and hit nearby tree.
I was shivering like crazy. Because I knew when dad sees this, that’s the end of my life. Dad came out, he looked at the car, looked at myself and said, “Son when you hit the car next time, PLEASE don’t hit it any harder”. And that was his response.
For him what he valued wasn't that bunch of metal but myself. Because he loved me unconditionally without expecting anything back in return.
Exactly after 2 years after that incident, I had to go to a particular place and see that our car had met with another accident. But that day gods didn't give me the chance to say “ Dad, when you hit the car next time PLEASE don’t hit it any harder!” because my dad had already been sighted for the last time there!”
I felt like there was dark black blind in front of me so I couldn't foresee my future. I lost all hopes of my life and for the 1st time in my life I felt like that was the end of my life.
But that was the phase of my life where I understood the real meaning and the value of my mother. She came out from nowhere and took the controls of my family and drove us to the marvelous present in which we are standing today. Under the guidance of her I grew up. And I would say I became this so called TEENAGER. Me, being a teenager I met so many people outside my family and among them I met this SOMEONE. I would say those days she was the prettiest SOMEONE I had ever seen in my life.Hehe! Stupid I!
Let me compare that someone with my mother;
I have this someone who is texting me each and every second and asking whether I ate or drank, but my mum, she never does that!
I have this someone who is calling me in the morning and saying how much she loves me but my mum, she never does that!
I have this someone who buys me valentine day presents. But my mum, she never does that!
With all 3 plus points, I turned against my mum and I grabbed that someone who was rendering me the conditional love which stupid I thought was unconditional. Those days when I was going to tuition classes I was like …………… (showing the pride walk) because I knew, or I would say I thought, I am dating the prettiest someone of the town.
Life went on. Believe me, everything was perfect until the day I got my A/L first try results. That day, all my friends became doctors and engineers.Look at how marvelous their lives are! But I stood as no one but just as a person who was having BCC . Making everything worse,all my parents and relations were expecting me to become a doctor. Stupid I though. "Ok! Forget about my A/L results, I still have this someone with me, so I am going to build my whole life with her."
But unfortunately from that day, that moment on wards, everything became conditional. Let me show you how everything became unconditional.
"Malith, you go and pass this exam and come. I will love you in this way
Malith you go and buy this car and come, I will love you in that way
Malith, you buy me a valentine day present. Then and only then I will buy you a present back."
That’s how conditional everything became. I lost all hopes of my life. For the 2nd time in my life I felt like I lost everything and it was the end of my life.
WAIT WAIT! Whats that’s murmur? Is that my mum??
“Son, even though you have lost everything. Even though you have failed your exams. I am always with you. Take courage GO repeat your exams, and take everything back which you lost!”
Encouraged by the words of my mum, I let go of that SOMEONE, I let go of the odds in my life and I repeated all the exams and I took everything back which I lost. But still today I am not a doctor today!
Can I ask you a question? Do I really look like a doctor?Am I that decent? Noway! But today I would say I am a SMILING Marketer. But standing as a person who had obtained 2As and 1B in Biology stream for local A/L. That's my story.
Having all these stories in your mind. Let me come to the core idea of my speech which is all about giving the right privileges to right set of people in life.
You and I both know that,when we were small,when we really needed the help, it was all about our closest honest relations and parents who backed us. We built our lives on the grounds of them. But when we grow up, when we become the so called teenagers, we completely forget the people who helped us when we really needed the help and we give the benefits of our present to those SOMEONES who have no contribution whatsoever for the betterment of our lives. So that is something which shouldn't be doing.
Let there be million someones out there!
And may you enter into relationships with them billion times,
Get your heart broken billion times and trillion different ways,
But remember one thing. Always give the right privileges to right set of people in life. So that you will never ever go wrong in life.